From The Pumpkin Patch

I had a nice moment today.

My husband and I have been celebrating Thanksgiving for the past eight years, even though we’re both British and live in London. It’s an opportunity to mark the end of the autumn months and focus on what we’re thankful for. We always host my in-laws for dinner, and I look forward to it all year.

I’d spent the morning cooking and cleaning, and the house looked perfect. Everything smelled like pumpkin, thanks to the two candles that burned in different rooms downstairs. Through the window, I watched a squirrel dig up a nut in our leaf-covered back garden. The soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving played softly, and the oven hummed in the background. It felt cosy. It felt happy. And then I realised, I was happy. 

It often feels as though I’m working towards a future that will be cosy, that will be happy. I’m so focused on where I want to be, I often forget to look around at where I am.

But in this moment, I wasn’t worrying about what was to come. I was here, right now, and I was happy.

I watched the berry bushes shake gently in the wind. A leaf fell from the oak tree, and I followed it with my eyes as it spiralled and twirled down to the ground. The clouds moved quickly across the sky, racing the fading light.

My husband often says to me, “Get your head where your feet are.” I think that’s his way of telling me to be more mindful. My head feels like it’s spiralling off into the clouds most of the time. But today, in that one moment, I was planted firmly in the present.

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for right now. As scary and heartbreaking and unfair as it may feel a lot of the time, there are also a lot of moments I don’t want to miss.

Last night I saw a plane fly across the moon. My husband and I freaked out about the latest episode of Stranger Things. I spilled hot chocolate on my therapist’s rug. Lana del Rey sang in my ears as I walked home in the dark.

This is life, and it’s messy, and I’m living in it. I’m thankful for that.